published January 2023

Coming Out in the Workplace in Asia

Contributed by Rain Khoo

As a Queer professional, you may be conflicted by wanting to live authentically in your workplace but worried about jeopardising your career advancement. Coming out at your workplace is a tough decision in Asia, where many social and political climates are non-affirming of queer identities. This article aims to provide tips for the best possible outcomes.

Why Come Out? Why Not?

LGB employees often pretend that their partners are of the other gender when referring to them at work. You might have experienced this yourself. This compartmentalises your life. You may feel that you are always hiding something or it may be tough to wholeheartedly engage with colleagues. If you want to progress to senior positions, you would need to build trust with people across the organisation and you may need to share about your personal life at some point.

If you are already out in society and feel you do not have to bring your queer identity into your workplace, I would invite you to think again. Recall the first time you met a friend who identified the same way as you do and the kinship you felt. That is the power of representation that you can have and embody, to help other LGBT employees feel a greater sense of belonging at your workplace.

When should you not come out? If there is no support at management levels, then think twice. This lack can be gauged easily: if your company lacks queer-friendly policies or tolerates queer jokes even from managerial levels. If being out at work is important to you, it may be easier to look for another workplace. However, if you intend to leave, talking to the business owner regarding your reasons for leaving may be worth a try and even change minds.

Planning to Come Out at Your Workplace

Coming out as LGBT at the workplace can benefit from planning, especially for transgender persons who intend to medically transition, since you will undergo obvious physical changes.

1.  Creating Your Support Network

If you are in a large company, seek out mentors and a career sponsor, who are queer allies. A supportive manager is necessary as this is the most important relationship at your workplace. Ideally, you should have someone from HR who is a queer ally to help clarify policies and resources. It also helps to have allies in other parts of the company where you would feel comfortable to have unfiltered conversations about your life outside of the workplace.

2. Seeking Support Outside of Work

Anyone who succeeds in doing anything tough gets a lot of help from others. You would be straining a relationship with even your BFF if they need to be your Aunt Agony around the clock. Simply put, it is your responsibility to ensure that there are enough people supporting you.

Look for help proactively, pre-emptively, and with precision. Proactively seek out potential allies, such as connecting with your PRIDE Employee Resource Group (ERG). Pre-emptively look for help: anticipate the problems that might come up and think through potential solutions. Finally, the precision factor simply refers to finding the best help for each situation. For example, if you are working with a senior figure being discriminatory in speech or actions, you may require the intervention of another (more senior) person who is able to speak to them.

3. Know Thyself 

Take time to understand your key pillars for mental wellness and what is needed for your personal commitments, in terms of time, money, and quality of energy. Work demands will peak and ebb, so having this awareness will help you decide how visible and engaged you want to be at your workplace regarding queer representation through various seasons.

For transgender individuals undertaking the challenge of transitioning while handling a full-time job, think about what you would be able to take on. It will help to have an honest discussion with your manager to agree on a list of deliverables and have these aligned with your various stakeholders as well.

4. Plan and Manage Each Relationship

Plan ahead for each of your “coming out” conversations. They should be held individually whenever possible to give your colleague the chance to respond freely. Arrange for the right Time, Place and Occasion. If it is a more complex discussion, such as engaging HR regarding paternal leave due to surrogacy when your company has no such provisions, preparing your case with an ally would help.

On a final note, there is no need to rush through things. The quality of your journey in coming out is more important than reaching a final “destination”. Openly queer individuals will experience many “coming out” moments at workplaces over time. If you treat these as opportunities for human-to-human connection, “coming out” will open your professional life to enriching experiences at work.

Rain Khoo is the founder of Dignité Brands, a consultancy that builds inclusive brands and corporate cultures of belonging. Rain identifies as a gay trans man and transitioned when he was 35 when his kids were 3 and 5. He has lived openly queer while working with all types of organisations. He co-founded TransgenderSG.com, Singapore’s resource site for the transgender community and its allies.